ugh.

I know (or at least i think i know) that its normal for Kyle to be all worried about me cheating on him while he is away but jeeeeeze, he has taken it to a new level. I have never ever EVER given him even an inkling for a reason to think that I would do anything. Its just so frusterating. And not for nothing, I have changed my ways of snooping even though I had every right to snoop at the time being.

I'm trying to be supportive and just go with it and remind him that nothing is going to happen and that he is the only one I love, but I have question after question thrown at me about EVERYTHING. Its almost like he is TRYING to find something. He can look allll he wants because he will NEVER find anything.

I know there are so many things in his mind about this deployment but everytime I ask him if he wants to talk about it he says no. Hopefully when he is home we will be able to sit down and have an actually conversation about it because unfortunately we cant run from it anymore. We have our backs up against a wall and there is no way of getting out of it. We went for so long pushing it off saying "its still so far away" but its not anymore. I just hope that he will have the comfort of knowing (even though he already should) that nothing is going to happen and that I love him. When I tell him that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I'm not lying.

This whole spirt of his anxiety and nervousness is scarying meee. I'm trying my best to comfort him. I just hope its working

On another note, started tanning today for our biggg photo shoot. Well its not really that big but we are gunna get our pictures done while he is home for pre deployment leave. Found an amazing photographer who is gunna take our pictures so im super excited. So of courseee I cant be pale! Start my working out on Wednesday. Figured i would start it on the start of lent as I'm giving up my afternoon snack =( maybe ill lose some pounds to go with it!!!