EMV is finally over and got to have a long awaited date night with my handsome. It was sooo good to see him and actually be able to talk and laugh.
(He will kill me if he ever sees this)
Counting down the days til he comes come- Eight <3
I don't know what i'm looking forward to the most. For some odd reason I have been DYING to climb a mountain with him. Its like a symbol of our relationship. We will keep going up hand in hand til we hit the top together. On our first date he brought me up to a mountain top and we danced and watched the skyline of Hartford. It was perfect. And then fireworks started going off and he tried to tell me he paid someone millions of dollars to do that.
I'm also reallllly looking forward to getting our pictures taken. Found a photographer who will be meeting us on April 8th for a free photoshoot through Operation Love Reuinted for a predeployment shoot. I just have NO IDEA what i'm going to wear. Guess I'm gunna have to get a new outfit :)
Until next time,
Colleen
So this weekend has had definate ups and downs. Lets start from the beginning.
Friday- Friday started as any normal day and work was fine (besides getting yelled at for no reason) but the hard thing that happened at work was that one of the little ladies that I am close to was put onto hospice and was taking a quick downturn. She waves goodbye to be every night when I leave the office and it was hard to go into her room and see her the way she was. When I got home I was already emotional from everything that had happened at work and it didn't get any better. The second I walk into the house it seemed as if it was Pick on Colleen Day. I let them all say what they had to and just choked back tears.
Finally later that night I was able to lay in bed and read and have very nice quite time. That is until my mom came in to say goodnight. She asked why I kept saying that I can't wait to get out of this house and thats when the flood gates started. I couldn't hold it in. I told her how scared I was and that no one in this house understands what I'm going through at all. I can't say anything about Kyle without my sister rolling her eyes. I know she is going through her own thing and is just jealous but its hurtful. So through the whole conversation I finally got all of my tears out that I had been holding for a long time that I was even hyperventatling. It was pretty scary. The last time that happened was at Sharon's funeral and I never thought it would happen again.
Saturday was better but was still an emotional day. I realized that a month from Saturday would be the last time I get to kiss Kyle for seven- plus months. I will not be able to send him off so the last time I get to see him will be predeployment leave. It is still unbelievable that it has come so fast. Never thought it would but just gotta work through it.
And today. No complaints. It has been any normal Sunday. Making porkchops for dinner. Should be delicious. Other than that, Army Wives and Coming Home are on tonight so i'll need the tissues again for that.
Thats my update for the weekend! Counting down the days till I see that handsome boyfriend of mine come down the stairs at Bradley Airport <3
I know (or at least i think i know) that its normal for Kyle to be all worried about me cheating on him while he is away but jeeeeeze, he has taken it to a new level. I have never ever EVER given him even an inkling for a reason to think that I would do anything. Its just so frusterating. And not for nothing, I have changed my ways of snooping even though I had every right to snoop at the time being.
I'm trying to be supportive and just go with it and remind him that nothing is going to happen and that he is the only one I love, but I have question after question thrown at me about EVERYTHING. Its almost like he is TRYING to find something. He can look allll he wants because he will NEVER find anything.
I know there are so many things in his mind about this deployment but everytime I ask him if he wants to talk about it he says no. Hopefully when he is home we will be able to sit down and have an actually conversation about it because unfortunately we cant run from it anymore. We have our backs up against a wall and there is no way of getting out of it. We went for so long pushing it off saying "its still so far away" but its not anymore. I just hope that he will have the comfort of knowing (even though he already should) that nothing is going to happen and that I love him. When I tell him that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I'm not lying.
This whole spirt of his anxiety and nervousness is scarying meee. I'm trying my best to comfort him. I just hope its working
On another note, started tanning today for our biggg photo shoot. Well its not really that big but we are gunna get our pictures done while he is home for pre deployment leave. Found an amazing photographer who is gunna take our pictures so im super excited. So of courseee I cant be pale! Start my working out on Wednesday. Figured i would start it on the start of lent as I'm giving up my afternoon snack =( maybe ill lose some pounds to go with it!!!
I have to say, I am very proud of myself for being strong lately but today just SUCKED. Drove into work to see the flag at half mast. Then learn that a soldier in a nearby town was killed in Afghanistan on Monday. Tried to shake it off and keep working but later on in the afternoon I had an unexpected bump in the road at work and felt myself getting teary eyed. Got home from work and learn that the Supreme Court ruled that it is okay for the Westboro Baptist Church to picket outside of military funerals. COME ON ARE YOU SERIOUS!
I don't want to think about Kyle never coming home but it will always be in the back of my mind and come forward when I have days like these. He is out there protecting our country and these people have the NERVE to hold up signs that say "God hates dead soldiers" ???
It makes me soooo angry but then It makes me even prouder of the man that I love
So since I got that off my chest, I am going to cuddle up in his clothes, watch tv and have myself some hot chocolate and go to bed =) hoping for a better day tomorrow.
